


Good Enough: Part Two

by TheBananasaurus



Series: Good Enough [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Stucky - Fandom
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Fear of Sexuality, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Orphans, Pre-Serum, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Religious Guilt, Smut, Virgin Steve Rogers, WWII Stucky, pre-serum stucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:05:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8391949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBananasaurus/pseuds/TheBananasaurus
Summary: Now that Steve and Bucky have finally revealed their feelings to each other, they began to work on the deeply-seeded issues both have with their upbringing that had kept them apart for so long. As far as they've come in the last year, Steve's dark secret ever haunts him, threatening to ruin their last night together before Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes ships off to fight the good fight over-seas, perhaps to never be seen again. It's up to the both of them to conquer the multitudinous barriers set before them, if only to finally answer the question if whether army-reject Steve Rogers is really man enough, after all.





	1. Gotta Be Strong

_December 28th, 1941_

 

**“So you’re shipping out tomorrow morning then, huh?”**

Steve slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned his backside against the door-jam of their bedroom. His lips were set in a thin, grim line while he looked on as Bucky packed the last of his things into his suitcase.

**“Yeah,”** muttered Bucky, pointedly avoiding looking directly at his lover’s face while he neatly folded each garment. He’d put off packing until the last minute, because he knew how much any reminder of him leaving off to war without Steve would just add salt to a fresh wound for the both of them.

They’d been together now for over a year, and in that time, Bucky had learned the meaning of patience. He’d been with a whole lot of girls over the years, and many of them had taken time to open up to him, to want sex with him. But Steve? Steve was different: the guy _wanted_ sex - he was just not ready, and Bucky had to curtail his lust as best he could for the sake of his buddy’s sanity.

They’d learned other ways to sate the ever-present hunger, of course. He’d taught his pal a whole lot, but most things Steve had learned on his own, gaining confidence and taking control, figuring out just what Bucky liked. Even as the U.S. army rejected him time and time again, Steve only seemed to become more determined in everything he did, including pleasuring his best guy. The first time he’d made Bucky’s fantasy come true and fingered him while he jerked himself, Bucky had hollered like a banshee. They’d had to get an ear-full from the super the next morning, but it was wholly worth it.

But… now that the Christmas holiday was over, and Bucky’s papers had come in, telling him where he was shipping off to, the reality of their situation settled over the pair like a dense fog. Bucky was leaving, going to a training camp in Europe, before heading straight for Nazi territory. Front lines. Cannon fodder.

**“I wish you were comin’ with me,”** sighed Bucky, closing his suitcase and leaning his entire weight onto it with splayed palms. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to rein in his emotions.

**“Me too, pal.”**

Steve heaved himself away from the doorjam and crossed the room to slide his hand up between Bucky’s shoulder blades. He was trying to be the bigger man, serving as comfort. It wasn’t him, sailing across the ocean to a completely different country, into the jaws of death, after all. Steve had to be strong. **“Doesn’t seem fair, huh? You get to see all the action and be a hero while I’m stuck here… what? Gathering tin or something?”**

A mirthless chuckle left Bucky’s lips and he straightened up. **“You’ll find some kind of trouble to keep you busy, Steve. You always do.”** He forced a tight smile onto his lips and turned to face the tumultuous blues staring up at him. They were clear and intense, yet holding back so much… like a roiling sea before a storm. **“I just hope you don’t get into too much while I’m gone. I won’t be there to tear guys off of you for a while.”**

The pain Steve saw withheld in his friend’s faintly knotted brow and swimming in his pale eyes made an uncomfortable lump form in his throat. He tried to swallow past it, but couldn’t manage to return all this fake light-heartedness. Not when his world was being torn from him like this. His fingers on Bucky’s back curled, twisting the fabric of his undershirt. “ **W-we… gotta be strong. For the men out there. For our country,”** he insisted, his wavering voice belying the conflicting feelings he had. His conviction to help out America and the Allies was as strong as ever, but damn if he didn’t want Bucky to stay with him, somehow.

And as good as he was at hiding his tears from the world, he couldn’t do the same with his best friend. The rims of his eyes stung as his vision blurred with moisture. He opened his mouth to speak again, but barely a single syllable came out.

**“I…”**

… And that was it. That was all he could manage. Bucky slipped his arms around Steve’s waist and pulled their bodies close, forcing the shorter man to crane his neck to maintain eye contact. **“Stevie…”** murmured Bucky, lip trembling once before he pressed it into a line as well. They were stubborn oafs, denying themselves the right to feel. Men don’t feel. Men don’t cry. Men fight and die for their country -- the end.

_Tell him you’ll miss him. Tell him you love him. Say something - anything! Don’t be an idiot, Rogers. If he dies… you’ll never get to tell him anything again - ever._

Steve finally tore his eyes away and dragged in a ragged breath through flared nostrils. **“Buck…”** he croaked, throat too tight to continue. Why couldn’t he stop himself from imagining nightmare scenarios where Sergeant Barnes went M.I.A. and never came home to him? What if he died the same way Steve’s dad had, in the first war, with mustard gas?

Bucky, alone on a battlefield, falling to his knees as he choked on fumes, wondering why he never got to be with Steve the way they always wanted…

**“Steve, look at me, babydoll.”**

Ripping himself from his nightmarish reverie, Steve snuffled pathetically and raised his eyes back up, though it was hard to see through the unshed tears clinging to his lashes. It was as if he were viewing his lover through a warped crystal lens… Like this was some terrible fever dream, instead of the life they had chosen for themselves.

Bucky searched Steve’s eyes for answers to questions he dared not voice aloud, ticking back and forth between the two for several seconds, until, at length, he could no longer bear the tension. A sigh rushed from his nose and he ducked his head down, lids falling closed as Steve lifted himself onto the balls of his feet and sealed their lips together.

In an instant, the world fell away, and all Steve knew was the aching sadness in his breast, and the warmth of Bucky’s body pressed against him, holding him close, molding to his mouth.

He let his lashes fall to his cheeks, and finally, bitter tears trickled from the crinkled edges and down his jaw. The other man unhooked his fingers from behind his back and brushed them over his temple, down his chin, where the collected moisture there had Bucky breaking the kiss and whispering, broken and barely audible. **“I-I’m… sorry, baby. I’m s-so sorry…”** As heart-wrenching as this all was, the humid breath feathering Steve’s face evoked a primal, bodily response. He felt his groin tighten and breathing speed up, easy as that.

**“I know, Bucky,”** he murmured, bringing the hand not desperately clinging to the other’s shirt to cup gently, albeit possessively, at his rump. They needed a distraction from all these emotions, and what better distraction could there be than losing themselves in eachother’s bodies? **“Let’s think about... somethin’ else, huh?”**

Despite how miserable as they were, the pair of them were still hot-blooded American males, and now, their normally quick-fire libidos were stoked all the higher with a sudden sense of _urgency_ . They didn’t just want each other… they _needed_ each other.

Upon having his butt grabbed, the point that Steve had been driving at sunk in, and Bucky was quick to reciprocate. **“** ** _Heh_ ** **… Sounds good to me,”** he rumbled, sniffling once to definitively end the doom and gloom as best he could. His head darted forward, momentarily capturing those lips again, and he rolled his hips into his lover’s abdomen to get the juices flowing. When their mouths separated, they were both inexplicably out of air.

**“I want you. N- _Now_ ,” **ordered Steve, smushing his nose into Bucky’s cheek as his teeth grazed over his jaw. If this was their last night together, he was planning on making his partner see fireworks, and not the kind that shot off on his birthday on Independence Day.

**“Yes,** **_sir!”_ ** A feral flash of teeth split across Bucky’s features. He brought his hands beneath Steve’s backside before hefting him up with a soft grunt. The blonde gasped and wrapped his thighs tightly around the taller man’s waist, eliciting a breathy titter from Bucky as he carried him to the wall beside the nightstand. Steve felt his back connect with the wall, so he leaned most of his weight against it even as he twined his fingers over his lover’s nape.

The pair fell together, all at once intent on ignoring reality for one precious evening, as Bucky angled his pelvis up into Steve. Hungrily, the blonde rutted his hips, grinding his already prominent arousal on his lover’s package as he released a heated puff of air over the other’s neck. Bucky all but writhed, holding onto the blonde’s hips for dear life and craning his head to the side to expose more of his throat - a silent plea to be kissed, to be bitten, to be _abused_ …


	2. More

 

Steve was more than happy to oblige, of course; curling back his upper lip, he dragged his incisors over the taut flesh and, as Bucky moaned softly, formed his lips about the pulsing jugular. While he moved his hands to tuck under his lover’s undershirt and work it free from his trousers, he heard a desperate **_growl_ ** resonate deep within Bucky’s chest.

As upset as he’d been only moments prior, Steve couldn’t smile softly against Bucky’s flesh, amused by how easy it was to get his engine revving. It reminded him how much the guy wanted him, how long he’d held back on every urge to pin Steve up against the nearest wall and… Well. Do exactly what they were doing.

Steve lifted his mouth up from the bruise he’d left on his lover’s neck to chuckle breathlessly even as he continued rubbing himself along Bucky’s trapped erection. **“You like this, buddy? You want more?”**

Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes up. **“** **_God,_ ** **yes, Stevie! Please -- more,”** he sighed amorously. Steve aimed a quick peck to his lips as he went to unbutton his trousers, but one of Bucky’s hands clutched him at the base of his skull, a tongue plunged past his lips, imploring and molten.

**“Mhmph!”** laughed Steve, the sound filtering through his nose. Bucky released him, fixing the smaller man with widened eyes and an exhilarated grin on his kiss-moistened lips. The blonde was momentarily enraptured, mouth drawn partially agape by the sight, but as Bucky’s hands started working at their buttons and flies in a frantic hurry, Steve mirrored the expression. **“Well, since ya asked so nicely…”** he murmured, hooding his eyes.

Bucky would never admit it out loud, but Steve knew how much he liked this new confidence in him. He really got a kick out of the smaller man taking the lead, being the one with the smart mouth. None of it would have been possible without constant affirmation, which he received presently as Bucky’s teeth nibbled into his own bottom lip coyly. _God,_ Steve loved it when he did that. He looked so excited, so _hungry_ for more. And who was Steve to deny him?

**“Mmm, thank you kindly, mister,”** hummed the brunette cheerily, flicking his gaze as his lover tugged his drawers down and pulled his still-intimidating erection free. As often as Steve had seen it, he swore he’d never get used to that thing.

**“Don’t mention it, Sarge, or I’ll have to write you up for it,”** said Steve, smirking softly as he watched Bucky remove his own package from its prison. At the mention of his relatively new title, however, Bucky paused, widening his eyes as his face blanked out for a moment. Steve tried not to assume he’d messed up, but he couldn’t help the way his previously flirty expression cracked into a bashful, lop-sided smile.

**“What, too much?”** he murmured, angling his dick to line their undersides up against each other. Bucky wrapped his fingers about their shafts and squeezed them in tandem, eliciting a shudder from Steve, even as he soothed the blonde’s concerns.

**“N-nah, man. I loved it.** **_Heh,_ ** **Sergeant Barnes. Who’da thunk?”** sighed Bucky, chuckling. Steve slid his palm up the other’s abdomen and chest, thumbing a rosy, pebbled peak to tug a small grunt from the larger man. His  nipples were so much more plush and sensitive than the blonde’s. It made Steve’s mouth water, just thinking about latching onto one… Or that massive _cock_ , as well.

**“I could lie and say ‘not me,’ but…”** he replied, trailing off as he tipped his face up to gaze upon Bucky’s unfocused pupils and chewed-upon lip. **“--You know I always thought you were meant for bigger... things.”**

Something wicked glinted in Bucky’s eyes, and his free hand returned to Steve’s hip. **“What was that pause there, buddy? Did you just accidentally make a dick pun?”** he teased, tilting his head to the side doggishly.

**“No. Yes. I dunno. J-just… take off your damn shirt, already, Barnes!”**

Bucky snorted softly. **“Well, since ya asked so** **_nicely_ ** **,”** he retorted, nonetheless acquiescing and wiggling around to pull his shirt up over his face. Steve moved his hand from the other man’s chest to help prop himself up on the wall instead, while the other hand continued holding their dicks together as he undulated his spine. The sensation resulting from this simple, sinewy movement stole the breath from both of them, but they still stubbornly kept up their banter.

**“Very f-funny, ya jerk,”** muttered Steve, feigning ruefulness despite the way his tip was already oozing with desire.

**“I -** **_ah!_ ** **\- I know it was, p-punk,”** Bucky said, trying to pull a smarmy expression even as his body was subjected to the only good type of abuse. He quickly tossed his shirt onto the floor and resituated his hand back on the Steve’s waist. As the larger man curled his spine to thrust up and down, settling into an easy, if tortuous rhythm, he greedily gripped Steve’s body tighter against him, increasing the friction twofold.

In short order, they were both too out of breath to manage trading quips, what with Bucky grinding up against Steve, teeth clenched and bared ferociously. Droplets of precum were swiftly spread over their crowns and lengths until Steve’s grip on their glistening members started slipping. He was forced to put his trust in the larger man to keep him aloft so he could hold their cocks with both hands. The sounds rising from their desperate passion - soft moans, airy grunts, and wet _squelching_ \- could have made a sailor blush… and thus everything seemed right on track to have them both climaxing within a minute or two.

Until, of course, Bucky abruptly threw back his head and shouted hoarsely to the heavens.

**“FF** ** _FUCK_ ** **me, Steve!”** begged Bucky suddenly.

In the near-silence that followed, only filled with their out-of-sync panting, one could have heard a pin drop. If the neighbors hadn’t figured out what they were doing by then, they certainly did _now_.

Steve froze up instantly, gripped by an unnamable terror. Bucky had promised him he wouldn’t ask for that until Steve was completely ready, until they’d worked past whatever issues the less experienced of the couple had… But there it was. He’d asked it -- _demanded_ it, even.

And though he was, in fact, still harboring an unhealthy amount of apprehension, he couldn’t help but feel _alive_ with electricity. Despite all the tip-toeing around and the work that went into finding alternative modes of pleasure, Bucky still desperately wanted him. _Needed_ him. And what if this really was their last night together, not just until the war ended, but… forever? As much as Steve wanted to believe that Bucky wouldn’t become just another casualty, he was also a realist. _Anything_ could happen over there.

During that screeching halt to their amorous fling, Bucky remembered himself and immediately began mumbling a string of apologies, rolling his head back to rest his sweat-laden forehead against Steve’s as the blonde gingerly let go of their pricks and looped one arm around his buddy’s neck.

**“Wow, ah, I’m sorry, Stevie -- don’t listen to me, I’m a goof, I’m sorry--”**

**_“No,”_ ** stated Steve firmly, effectively putting a gag on his lover. Bucky’s trap snapped shut and his eyes widened under furrowed brows, appearing utterly crushed. Steve swallowed and went on, heedless of how guilty his partner might feel. **“I don’t wanna do...** **_that_ ** **. I wanna make** **_love_ ** **to you.”**

Bucky stared down at him, knotting his brows together over ghostly eyes that moved back and forth between Steve’s in askance. After a few moments, his lips parted with a barely audible question. **“Are you sure that’s what you want?”**

Steve knew what he meant; he was asking if the little virgin with the messed up noggin _actually_ wanted sex, or if he were doing it just to please Bucky. Even if it was a little of both, Steve couldn’t let that on. He had to make his guy believe that he was completely ready, or Bucky would try to talk him out of it. Because he cared. Because he didn’t want Steve forcing himself into anything.

**“Mhm,”** nodded the blonde not breaking eye contact, before the slightest hint of a smile was beckoned into his thinned lips. He wasn’t lying, which was a thing Steve found difficult, especially to Bucky, so it didn’t require too much effort to fake the bravado required of him.   **“You want it, I want it - I don’t hear any ‘no’s or I’d quit while I was ahead.”**

However, try as he might, there was something in the way he’d repeated that line Bucky had said to him a year ago that made the other man hesitate, working his jaw to the side as he considered something. Steve’s false smirk faltered and he fought the urge to stop breathing.

_Please don’t fight this, Buck. We_ **_need_ ** _this._


	3. It Ain't Gonna Fit

Instead of refusing him, however, Bucky met the other man’s gaze and lifted his eyebrows tentatively. **“If… If you’re sure, then I’m all for it,”** he said, trying to crack a quick smile, only for it to vanish just as swiftly. **“So… how do you wanna do it? Do you wanna…** **_ehem -_ ** **give, or uh... receive?”**

Steve had thought about this a lot before, but in the moment, now that they were really considering it, he didn’t know. He tried imagining having Bucky inside him and… as much as part of him wanted it, the rest of his body seized at the thought. He heard Sister Mary’s voice somewhere in the back of his head, clear as day.

_Homosexual!_ **_Sodomizer!_ ** _Satan take you and your lot!_

He dragged himself back to the present as he inhaled a sharp breath through his nose. **“I wanna give,”** he whispered, swallowing. Technically that would make him the sodomizer, yes, but at least he wasn’t the one getting a cock shoved up a place God never meant for it to go. Somehow, that made him feel a little better about it. Bucky seemed to have noticed a change in him, as concern was etched into every detail on his face, from the creases in his forehead, to the purse to his lips.

**“...O-Okay, Stevie,”** murmured Bucky gently, slipping one of his hands up to pull his lover away from the wall and hold him tightly to his chest. **“You’re the boss.”** As upset as Steve had made himself with the memory of that old witch, he was almost painfully aware of their slicked-up cocks being pressed against each other's abdomens, both still mostly rigid. He took some solace that he hadn’t _completely_ killed the mood.

_I’m the boss. Right. The boss of making things awkward, at least._

Steve tried his best not to dwell as Bucky carried him to the bed and eased onto his back, with the smaller man atop the other. Steve slid his legs from around his friend's waist and propped himself up on his shins, palms braced over either of Bucky’s pectorals.

**“S-so… how do I… what do I do?”**

A sheepish smirk ticked Bucky’s lip up to the side. He smoothed his palms over Steve’s thighs, scritching lightly at the thick fabric of his trousers, as he cleared his throat again. **“Ah… well, I’ve never fuck-- made love with another guy before, so your guess is as good as mine, bud. One thing’s for sure, though--”** trailed off the Bucky, one hand raising to loop his fingers around Steve’s hard-on. He spoke over the muffled grunt that parted the blonde’s lips, and rumbled with laughter. **“You’re gonna need to stretch me out a little before you get all** **_this_ ** **in there.”**

_Really? I’m not that big, though. Then again, I don’t wanna hurt ‘im… And he always does make some’a the nicest noises when I finger him..._

As if Bucky could read his thoughts, one brow shot up while the other remained dubiously low. **“Trust me, dollface. It ain’t gonna fit. As it is I’m gonna be walkin’ funny tomorrow.”**

A tiny thrill ran up Steve’s spine, and in spite of himself, he found a smile curling onto his lips.

_Oh yeah, that’s right. He’s gonna get on that airplane with a sore ass, and it’s gonna be from_ **_me._ **

Regardless of how much Steve stretched him out, Bucky was going to wear the reminders of their love-making in some shape or form for at least a day, and in a weird way, that made Steve feel… **powerful.**

**“Okay, Buck,”** smiled Steve, wriggling down a few inches to momentarily perch atop Bucky’s thighs. He clawed his fingers down the rippling hills and valleys of the other man’s abdomen, grinning when Bucky bit his lip expectantly, and sunk the digits beneath the hem of those trousers.

**“Am I gonna have to tear these off you?”**

**“Uh, no. Part of me wants to see you do it, but I kinda like these pants,”** sniggered Bucky, teeth flashing and nose crinkling. Steve lifted his ass up so the brunette could push the pants down his legs and kick them off until they fell off the bed in a heap. Bucky’s gaze hooded and his lips narrowed into a whip-thin smirk.

**“I know it’s cold, Stevie, but… d’you think I could maybe see a little skin too?”** he murmured.

That was another thing Steve had a hard time getting used to; having his body lusted over. Bucky was all muscle and squared shoulders, and he… Well. He was a beanpole with limbs and a head. Still, he remembered not to make too much of a fuss, lest his partner launch into another motivational speech.

Wordlessly, Steve undid the last few buttons on his shirt and shrugged it off, a shy smile creeping onto his features. The chill in the apartment wafted across his bare shoulders and sent a shiver through him, but he ignored it and tugged his undershirt off as well, before tossing the clothing to the floor. Bucky hummed softly and splayed his warm palms over the smaller man’s pale skin, brushing the rough pads of his fingers up along his ribs and over his chest.

**“Mmm, that’s better,”** rumbled the larger man, eying him up and down like a steak dinner. His hands smoothed around Steve’s torso and gently pressed into the blonde’s shoulder blades, guiding him to lay by his side   **“C’mere, baby. Nice n’ cozy.”**


	4. Home Run

Following Bucky’s lead, Steve shuffled out of his trousers and underpants, discarded them willy-nilly, and formed his now stark-naked body to the shape of his partner’s side. The warmth pervaded him almost instantly, giving him another shiver at the temperature change, but he acclimated quickly enough. He was careful to lift his turgid package up and drape it over the sharp curve of Bucky’s Adonis belt so it didn’t get crushed, but then the big galoot had to go and wrap his fingers around it and give him a gentle stroke.

**_“Ah!_ ** **Buck, c’mon, man!”** he scolded, trying to hold on to an authoritative tone despite the desperate edge to his gasp. He grabbed Bucky’s wrist and pulled it away, eliciting a petulant pucker of the brunette’s lips.

**“Aw, why not?”** he smoothed, letting go regardless. Steve released him, but eyed him for a moment warily.

**“B-because I wanna… last as long as I can for you,”** Steve muttered, furtively looking down to avoid eye contact. He was embarrassed that he had to even voice it aloud. **“-- And I dunno how long that’s gonna** **_be_ ** **if you keep touchin’ me like that…”**

The pout on Bucky’s face melted into a cat-like grin. He snaked his arm up and around Steve’s shoulders, clutching him even closer. **“So what else should I do, then, huh? Just lay here like a log?”**

Steve flared his nostrils and hmph’ed, laying his cheek on the other man’s chest as his hand trailed down his stomach. **“You should get that oil, first of all. Smart Alec.”**

Bucky retracted his chin into his neck, surprised, apparently, that Steve was still intent on being so forward. Plus, he was not a little impressed at his focus. **“Oh, right,”** chuckled the brunette, before he looked over to the nightstand and stretched over to open the drawer. Even in doing so, he kept a tight hold on the blonde, as if he were about to scamper off. **“You know me, Stevie. I got excited, is all.”**

**“Mhm,”** nodded Steve, splitting his fingers into a v-shape and fitting then snugly over his lover’s thickened base. Bucky grunted and rocked his hips into the touch, but continued in his endeavor, snagging the oil and plopping the bottle on his stomach.

**“Alright, buddy, we don’t got all night. Quit playin’ around,”** teased Bucky. **“Your virginity ain’t gonna take** **_itself.”_ **

All at once, the singular word ‘virginity’ reminded Steve that this was, in fact, the home run. The Big Leagues. Bucky was going to make a man of him, finally, and all he had to do was get his fingers lubricated.

He couldn’t really manage much of a response, then, except for a sheepish upward quirk of his lip. No more games, no more pillow-talk - it was time to take action. Steve lifted his hand away from Bucky’s nethers, pulling his body away a little so he could prop himself up and finagle the bottle open with two hands. Two hands that were now - frustratingly - trembling with nerves.

Bucky seemed to notice his trouble, bringing his own hand up to grab the bottom of the bottle while his lover finally fumbled the top off, making the former chuckle softly.

**“Shut up, Barnes,”** muttered Steve ruefully, though he couldn’t help the silly grin plastered across his cheeks.

**“Never,”** snarked Bucky. His voice took on a softer edge to it though, as he gave a simple direction. **“Hold out your hand.”**

Steve snorted lightly, but did as he was told, laying back down and cuddling up against the larger man’s form as he held out his cupped palm. He tried to concentrate on not shaking so much so it wouldn’t spill, but Bucky’s steady grip made sure to pour just enough, and quickly re-capped the bottle before  stashing it behind the pillow.

On a strange whim, Steve’s gaze drifted upward as he spread the oil onto his fingers. He was struck, momentarily, by the way Bucky was staring at him - brows slightly furrowed and lifted, a sympathetic tilt of his mouth, and… a little bit of tension hidden poorly in the faint crinkles astride his eyes.

Steve swallowed and kept his lubed hand hovered aloft as he tried to think of something to say, something to ask… but all he could get out was a tentatively whispered **“Hey… you okay?”**

**“Yeah,”** sighed Bucky, the apprehensive ‘smirk’ melting into a wider, thin-lipped smile. **“Guess I’m a little nervous too.”** Dark lashes dipped to feather his cheeks, and again, he let a breathy laugh wash over Steve’s face. **“But I’m ready whenever you are, baby.”**

The smaller man nodded, mirroring the expression without meaning to, and slowly moved his moistened hand down south, past the previously rock-hard rod that had gone a bit soft with what Steve now understood was a bit of fear. In a double-pronged effort to put them both back in the mood and to distract Bucky from the novelty of what they were eventually going to do, he nuzzled his partner’s chest and kissed the rosy nub at the peak of one of his pecs.

Bucky fell absolutely still then, apparently endeavoring to concentrate on being pleasured, as Steve’s digits tucked under his package and slid down along the crevice beneath, gliding two of them across that puckered hole. Not content with teasing, however, the blonde formed his lips about the other’s hardening bud, surrounding it in wet warmth, before he flicked the thinned tip of his tongue against it.

At long last, a soft, almost _mewling_ sound rose from Bucky’s throat, and he tipped his head back, craning his neck into an arch. Good Lord, ol’ Steve sure did know how to get Bucky and his sensitive nipples going. It was almost _too_ easy.

Capitalizing on the distraction, Steve pressed a single pad past the muscular ring that clenched tightly reflexively. He ignored the bodily reaction and pushed deeper, and deeper, until the finger was sheathed in molten walls up to his knuckle. Bucky’s soft sound from before steadily rose in volume, and this time, his entire _body_ arched off the bed.

**“Aw,** **_fuck_ ** **yeah, Stevie… feels so good…”** whispered Bucky. Steve suckled dutifully as he slid his finger out half-way, only to plunge it back in slowly. Bucky’s hands curled into fists, one of them clutching the bedsheets while the other, about Steve’s shoulders, dug his nails into soft flesh.

**“Ah! Y-yeah!** **_Hah_ ** **-harder!”** he moaned, suddenly breathless, as Steve brushed against the knot of nerves hidden away within. He flicked his eyes to Bucky’s dick as it throbbed back to life… and shallowed his thrusts, only pushing in an inch before pulling back, again and again. He wanted to stretch Bucky out, not make him cum… yet.


	5. Not Enough

Frustrated, Bucky wiggled his ass down onto Steve’s fingers, and started to reach for his own cock, until the smaller man froze.

**“No -- stop,”** ordered Steve, fixing a hard look up at Bucky from beneath the shelf of his brow.   **“Not yet, Bucky, remember?”**

He lifted his head up from his lover’s panting chest, and contemplated stopping what he was doing completely, with Bucky still squirming for just a little more pressure as he keened desperately.

**_“Nnnh,_ ** **sorry, babydoll,”** Bucky breathed, stilling his movements as he gazed at Steve with lust-hazed eyes. **“You’re driving me wild here…”**

**“Then you’re ready for… two fingers?”**

**_“God,”_ ** huffed Bucky, glaring down at what Steve was doing down there. He grit his teeth and hissed his affirmative. **_“Yesss_ \- Give it to me!”**

**“You got it, pal,”** Steve grinned, though the faltering expression came off less cocksure and more _un_ sure. Regardless, he pulled his finger free (warranting a small grunt from Bucky) and shifted lower on the bed. As if sensing his intent, the brunette lifted his leg, bending at the knee. Steve lightly grazed his short nails  down the taut muscle of Bucky’s thigh and the side of his rump, this time eliciting a shiver.

_Ooo,_ he’d gotten good at this, hadn’t he?

With his confidence peaking, Steve smoothed his palm over the round of that perfect ass and lightly feathered the pads of two slick digits over Bucky’s hole. He craned his neck up to meet the other man’s eyes - pale, swimming blue to tumultuous, stormy blue - and slowly inserted the tips. His smile widened as Bucky’s mouth popped open and a faint, high-pitched whine left his throat.

**_“A-ah-ah…!”_ ** he stuttered, blinking, but not breaking their stare. There was something so electrifying about keeping eye contact as Steve pushed deeper, stretching him out further than he’d ever been before. There was a little pain, yes, but also… so, _so_ much more.

For Steve, watching the transformation on his best guy’s face was altogether enchanting. He found his body moving of its own accord, pulling out a little before easing back in half-way, as if he were in a trance. **“...Yeah?”** he breathed, lips concealing his teeth as he raised his brows in askance.

**“Ffuh-uh--!”** Bucky began, biting his lip and letting out a puff of air. He gulped to try to catch his breath and nodded, all too eager to encourage the blonde’s progress. **“Y-yeah, please. More…”**

That was all Steve needed. He finally severed their eye contact and kissed Bucky’s pelvic ridge just as he thrust the entirety of both fingers all the way inside, but had to pull his head back as the larger man’s spine arched again. Bucky would stay in that bowed position, because Steve kept him there - pulling out and pushing in, wiggling wickedly whilst within the heated depths to pull more delicious sounds out of that panting maw.

It was almost as if he’d forgotten his own direction, so lost was Steve in bringing Bucky to a writhing, groaning mess… until a sudden stabbing feeling in the blonde’s chest had him stopping cold and wincing, cinching his eyes closed.

_No! Not now - please!_

**_“Suh_ ** **...Steve?”** asked Bucky breathlessly, lowering his body to the mattress. He reached one of his hands out to thread through Steve’s hair and endeavoured to concentrate. He knew the signs of an attack almost better than Steve did, and was thus, of course, doubly concerned. **“What’s wrong, doll? Why’re you having one of those?”**

Steve raised up to perch on his knees and the balls of his feet, opening one of his eyes and looking up at Bucky, whose sweat-glazed brow had gnarled low and flushed lips had tugged into a frown.

**“It’s fine,”** grunted Steve, slipping his fingers out from the other to massage his chest. **“Probably just from not sleepin’ well…”**

Bucky took his hand back, leaning forward to prop himself up on his elbows. **“You’re not takin’ care of yourself, Stevie. It’s gonna take a toll on you…”** he murmured, tilting his head slightly.

Steve’s jaw clenched, forcing out a breath even as his lungs burned. **“I’m** **_FINE,”_ ** he snapped. Bucky flinched as if struck. **“Sorry…”** Steve muttered, realizing - too late - that he’d been too harsh. He just felt… defensive.

**“Maybe I’m not -** **_hnnh!_ ** **\- strong enough. For you. F-for this. Maybe I’m not man-** **_nnh!_ ** **\-- enough to--”**

**_“Don’t._ ** **Don’t you fuckin’** **_dare_** **, Rogers,”** Bucky cut in, suddenly lunging forward and snatching Steve about the shoulders. A fierce glint in his eye took the place of the haze of lust. Steve sucked in a loud, rattling gasp.

**“Buck?! What are yo--”**

Bucky moved like a lion taking down its kill, pushing the smaller man down into the mattress, forcing Steve to slide his legs forward. Bucky settled his weight on either knee astride the blonde’s hips as he stared down into Steve’s bewildered, dazed expression. Of course, all that movement did some _real_ funny things to the Bucky’s noticeably turgid member, as it now bobbed between them like a baby’s rattle, begging to be grabbed…

Steve swallowed, forcing himself to make eye-contact. **“Wh-what are you doin’?** ”

Bucky kept that intense stare on, as if he weren’t bare-ass naked and visibly aroused. Kind of hard to take a guy seriously like this, but then again, something in the way the brunette spoke captured Steve instantly.

**“You’ll always be man enough for me, Steve. Always. I’m just worried about'chya, alright? I wanna make sure my best guy is here for me when I get back, and not rotting in some alley.”**

Steve was… speechless. On one hand, he felt a warmth of acceptance and love blossoming in his tightened chest, cracking through the shards that felt to be peircing him from every angle. On the other, the reminder of Bucky leaving, of going to war, made his stomach twist nauseatingly. It showed on his face, as his lips curled down at the edges.

But what _could_ he say? Nothing would change the fact that Bucky was leaving, and he was staying. Nothing. All they had for certain was this moment. Again, Steve forced past the thickness in his throat and swallowed as he slipped one hand about the defined furrow of Bucky’s pelvis.

They were silent, staring into one another’s eyes, as he give his own half-limp prick a few pumps to raise him back up and slather it in oil. Once he’d done that, he held his shaft at the base and a weak, timid smile flickered onto his mouth. In return, Bucky’s lids lowered and a smirk stretched onto his own lips.

**_“I’m ready for you, Stevie...”_ ** whispered Bucky, his voice so… _husky,_ so smokey, it made Steve’s family jewels twitch as a feeling of _need_ over-rode his anxiety.

Bucky angled his hips to accommodate the curve to Steve’s dick and slowly - ever-so-slowly - lowered himself onto the dusky pink crown glistening with a combination of lubrication and pre-come. As soon as Steve felt their skin make contact, Bucky’s hole clenched reflexively, just as his had so long ago.

Steve couldn’t help himself. Nibbling his lip, he flashed a faltering grin. **“Ya gonna let me in there, buddy? You’re tighter than Fort Knox,”** he teased, harkening back to what Bucky had once said.

Though a fuzzy curtain had seemed to drape itself over Bucky’s eyes, and his lips had pursed on that contact, the teasing beckoned a breezy smile back onto his face. **“Shut up, ya punk. Gimme a second here… A cock is a lot bigger than fingers. ‘Specially yours.”**

Well, _that_ zipped Steve’s lips all over again. He averted his eyes bashfully to look at where their bodies tenuously met. Bucky became mute as well, concentrating, as he pressed the tip up against his hole and forced himself to unclench.

**_“Uhnngh…”_ ** groaned Bucky, and Steve would have looked up at his face to see whether that was a sound of pain or pleasure (or both), but the sensation of having his cockhead _squeezed_ into a tight, unbelievably warm channel completely over-loaded any higher thinking.

**“Oh,** **_ffff_ ** **\--God…!”** he heard his own voice gasp, without him consciously having control. His fingers dug into Bucky’s hip and teeth into his lip so hard, he tasted a hint of copper when he dabbed at them with his tongue.

A movement of Bucky’s head caught his attention as the larger man raised his sights from their groins to gaze into Steve’s eyes, his own shadowed by pinched, pained brows.

_I’m hurting him…_

But he didn’t do anything - not when he started looking at other parts of Bucky’s face and demeanor: the way his mouth had popped open, the way his cheeks were a ruddy shade he’d never even _seen_ before, the way tiny, almost inaudible whining _grunts_ left his throat each time he pushed more of Steve into himself.

_But he… **likes** it... _


	6. Promise Me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Author's Note:** _I am so, SO sorry for the delay in posting a new chapter. Unfortunately, like small!Steve, I weigh roughly 100 lbs. and have a myriad of health issues, so when anything crops up it knocks me **flat.** That's one of the reasons I identify so well with him I guess. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ANYWHO! Here is your new chapter, finally. However, TRIGGER WARNING: I added "Angry Sex" to the tags just for this chapter, because... **hoo** boy. I mean, I'm not saying there won't be angry sex later, but... just givin' ya a warning, soldiers. As the Boy Scouts of America say, "Be Prepared."_
> 
>  
> 
>  _ **P.S.** Pardon typos, formatting errors, and the length. I wanted it to be longer, and proof-read, but the typos/errors, at least, will be fixed in the morning, when I'm feeling a little better. I just wanted to get this out tonight because you've waited long enough._ ]

**“Buck…”** murmured Steve, still concentrating on both his breathing and the way Bucky looked like he was simultaneously in the throes of agony and pleasure at the same time.

**_“Yeh..._ ** **Yeah?”** managed Bucky, holding himself absolutely still, though his shoulder muscles quivered.

Steve licked his chapped lips, nibbling them for a second, and then voiced his concern. With his dick one-quarter of the way inside the man he’d dreamt of making love to since he was in his teens, it was difficult to stay ‘with it,’ but he made every effort to sound like he was. **“You, um... You sure you’re okay? It doesn’t hurt too much?”**

Bucky’s laughter came out more as a too-fast exhale as his lips turned up at the edges and he shook his head. **_“Heh_ ** **-hell no. It’s nothing compared to how good it** **_feh_ ** **-eels - and how good it’s** **_gonna_ ** **feel.”**

Letting go of his shaft now that it was firmly in place, Steve poised that hand on Bucky’s hip and raised the other up to the larger man’s forehead, where he pushed a sweat-slicked brown strand back and tucked it behind his man's ear. Once more, they exchanged a lovestruck expression, with Steve’s mouth tilting up on one side. He really was such a trooper.

**“Okay, Sarge. Just makin’ sure. I love you,”** Steve whispered.

Bucky flashed a brief show of teeth. **“I know. Me too.”**

With complete consent given by both parties, nothing was stopping them from forging ahead. They maintained their doe-eyed stare even as Bucky resumed his weight down with a tentative bounce. Again, his jaw popped open, and again, that same airy, whining grunt escaped.

In fact, each time he bounced and took more of Steve into his virgin-tight ass, the higher in pitch his voice got, until he was letting out just the most _adorable_ breathy, open-mouthed squeaks from deep in his throat.

_Christ, Bucky, how can a man your size make noises like that?_

The question would go unanswered, because it was then that Bucky finally reached the last hardened inch and **_slammed_** himself down like a greedy whore.

And as much as Steve’s brain had seemed to cease functioning upon first entering Bucky, as soon as his lover’s rump connected with his pelvis and his cock bottomed-out within, all he saw, thought, and heard for a solid second-and-a-half was pure, blinding whiteness.

When his senses returned to him, however, his back was bowed upward and he was staring at the ceiling. He’d grabbed a hold of Bucky’s waist and thrown his head violently back into the mattress, and a guttural moan grated from _both_ of their throats.

Trembling, Bucky leaned forward ever-so-slowly, and let his head hang loosely as he braced his hands on either side of Steve’s biceps. For a few seconds, neither deigned to move, aside from their heaving chests and the slow, rhythmic pulse of Bucky’s prick. It was… intoxicating -- hypnotizing -- to watch.

At length, though, Steve was the first to move. He testingly rocked his hips up gently, but--

**“F-- _Ah!”_**

Bucky has gasped as what looked like a bolt of combined pleasure and pain shot up his spine, sending him upright in an instant as his lids fluttered. **_“Christ,_ ** **Steve,”** he chuffed. **“Why’d you have to have such a ridiculously big prick?”**

Whether he was complaining, or complimenting, Steve wasn’t sure, but he stayed completely still as Bucky resituated himself, leaning forward again and planting a palm on the wall behind the headboard. His sweat-laden brow and hazed eyes were shadowed as strands of mussed bangs fell as an uneven curtain over them.

**“I dunno, but I could ask you the same question,”** Steve managed to banter back, cracking an uneven smile. He kept his gaze on Bucky’s face to watch the brunette nibble his lip as he wrapped his lubed fingers around his lover’s cock. It had gone half-soft (but with how bad he was hurting, it wasn’t a surprise), so he wanted to give the ‘little’ guy some attention.

Bucky’s mouth twitched, and stopped biting his lip long enough to speak - though he promptly went right back to it afterward. **“God, I really hope I get to this to you, too. You gotta feel this to believe it.”**

**“You will when you get back, Bucky. Just come back to me - alive,”** he murmured, languidly stroking the shaft back to life.

**“I wish I could promise that, buddy, but anything can happen. If I do, we’ll-- AH,** **_FUCK!”_ **

Steve’s eyes widened and he inhaled sharply as the pain of thinking about tomorrow returned to him full-force. Quick as a snake-strike _,_ he abandoned Bucky’s member and latched onto his hips. Bucky had gasped, but he wasn’t done. For the moment, he was blinded by the tumult of his emotions, and thus he cruelly **_rammed_ ** his cock up into Bucky as hard as he could. **_"IF?!"_** he demanded.

**“FUCK!”** shouted Bucky again. His body and head violently snapped backwards. This time, there was nothing _but_ pain, and that was how Steve had wanted it.

**“Promise me you’ll come back to me -- alive -- Barnes!”**

His order sounded to him like a drill sergeant straight out of the war advertisements. He didn’t care. He wanted a promise.  An uncharacteristic darkness entered his voice and hardened his eyes, and his thoughts.

Bucky was panting, blinking furiously against the agony of being split in two, his hands hanging in the air in the shapes of claws. **“S-Steve, I can’t--!”**

**“The** **_HELL_ ** **you can’t,”** Steve snarled, teeth clenching. He bucked his hips again, eliciting another tortured hollar. He’d never been like this before with Bucky… at least, not in bed. Sure, he’d been salty with him before, yelled at him before, but never purposefully caused him pain. He blamed it on his fear of losing his man forever. He’d deal with the guilt later.

**_“PROMISE me, Barnes,”_** he growled, bucking his hips again.

Bewildered and at the mercy of his lover’s cock, Bucky squeezed his eyes tight and choked out his desperate reply.. **“O-okay! Jeez! I-I… I promise, Steve! I’ll come back to you!”**


End file.
